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She may just be a taxi dispatcher, or the florist for your wedding. Also if your manhood looks ANYTHING like a coffee table book – let’s say Earth From The Air – you should visit that doctor immediately. If you describe your little guy as being like this demonic reptile whose only friend is an evil wizard who looks like his head has been circumcised, it MAY be a turnoff.

If your partner is more interested in your curtains than your naughty parts, you are either in a relationship with the host off Grand Designs (in which case, more power to you), or you have made a terrible, terrible mistake. And maybe get some new curtains while you’re at it – those are disgusting. Asking your fella about the size of his new pair of shoes/microwave/Ikea table lamp – WINKY FACE – is a surefire way to heat things up!

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